How did your child's mother react to a custody order that was ruled in favor of the father?
A little background history:I am an American and living in Germany for more than 30 years. My wife is a German citizen, but originally from the Ukraine. She has lived here in Germany for almost 18 years.5 years ago my wife decided that she did not want to be married to me anymore. She decided that she want to enjoy the single life that she had missed life as she got married and become a mother relatively young (23).I will not go into details, but basically she started acting like she was 18 to 20 years old (she was 35 to 36 during this time frame) and not behaving as a mother should in many different ways. I could not care less about how she treated me, but not take proper care of our children? Now that really made me upset.She thought (mostly because her friends told her so) that she would get full custody of the kids, the house and everything in it, I would be put in the street, she could sit at home and receive 70 to 80% of my paycheck and I would watch the kids whenever she felt like going out (which was basically when I was not working).It took a while for various reasons (legal and otherwise), but after about one year of her bullshit and behavior she was given a very loud and resounding reality check.German divorce and child custody laws are the most gender neutral that I know of (could be wrong, but my experience with divorce and child custody laws are solely in Germany). Also after age 10 the kids get to choose which parent to live with (that is one of the reasons it took so long as I had to wait until my daughter turned 10 to sue for custody).I went to 4 lawyers before I found the one that asked me what I wanted, not what my wifeu2019s rights were.So I sued her for divorce and full custody of the kids and requested what the Germans call a wohnen zuweisen or right of residence which determines who stays in the current residence and who moves out.I presented her with the paperwork on a Thursday and took the kids to a friendu2019s house for a 3 day weekend. German law requires only 72 hour prior notification for this situation due to pre-investigation already performed by the jugendamt (German version of CPS) and the court investigators.Told her that on Monday (in 4 days), my lawyer, a court representative, a court appointed child rights lawyer who also has a minor degree in child psychology and a member of jugendamt would be by the house at 10 am in the morning to interview all members of the family individually. She freaked out and lost it. Screamed at the top of her lungs (I had the kids at a one of their friendu2019s house so they would not hear this), freaked out and said Fuck you, I will have a great life and you are out of your mind. I am getting everything. She was in total denial and was pissed offI told her she might want to read the documents I had given her and then I handed her cards with all the numbers of the people coming on Monday plus the German legal aid office. Told her she need to make some calls and find out where she stood legally.When the kids and I returned on Sunday she was very, very subdued. Interviews occurred on Monday. After the interviews my wife was visibly very upset and asked to speak to me privately.I asked the kids to go outside for a while and I would call them when we were done speaking.She them totally lost it, crying, weeping, telling me she does not want to lose her children, begging me to forgive her and take her back. She was in total shock and now realized the actual reality of our (especially her) situation.I told her I need time to think about it. About a week later I had her sign a legal agreement that the legal separation, divorce and custody battle were on hold for 2 years. I told her (and gave her in writing) a list of things that were deal breakers.If any of them were violated, then all bets were off and she would be out of the house in 30 days or less. She agreed to them and ended her previously behavior completely. She then understood that I did all this because in my opinion, children should be the first and highest priority in their parents lives. Also anyone that I believed to be a bad influence, example or a detriment to the well being of my children is going to be removed from their lives regardless of who it is.Why did she ask me to forgive her and take her back? She was informed during her interview (she went last) and by the German legal aid office of the following:She was going to be removed from the house in no more than 30 to 60 days (possibly sooner).I would have full custody, parental rights and authority of the children.She was legally forbidden to enter the house or see the children without my permission other than her CPS supervised visits in our (actually, soon to be my)house every other weekend.None of her friends and/or associates on the list I had provided to my lawyer were allowed near or to have any contact with our children.Violations of this were punishable by up to 6 months in jail and up to a 15,000 ($18,000) Euro fine.She would get no alimony as it no longer exits in Germany due to court decisions and new written laws in 2022. 2022 and 2022. Only exceptions are in the case of a handicapped child or parent or if there is a exceptionally large family of 4 or more kids.She would be forced to get a job and if necessary attend an Ausbildung (apprenticeship).Once she had a job, she would be required to pay me child support depending on how much she earned.Everything I had earned, acquired or saved before we were married (which was substantial) was not joint property and she would not be getting any of it. Cars, 2 houses (not in Germany), furniture, retirement accounts, my inheritance from my mother (who was still alive at this time), the kids saving accounts she would no longer have access to. She was also shocked that many of the things we had acquired while married were now in a trust for the kids and not joint property. This included the house we were living in, certain bank accounts, my life insurance polies would be paid to the same (maybe she should have carefully read the legal separation agreement that she signed that she asked me to get).