How to get custody of a child from an unfit mother Form

I was very lucky that my stepfather was an amazing human being because he stepped up and kept me safe all the times that my mother wasn't in her right mind. He took on a lot of physical abuse that could have very easily been directed at me.To be clear my dad was awesome too but he split custody with my mom, he got me half the year and she got me the other half. There wasn't much he could do other than worry and be ready to pick me up when things went to hell.This is a combination of two separate events that are book ends in my childhood, the first time I called my dad to come and get me and the last time I called my dad to come and get me, as I remember them.The first time I was in second grade and living in Northern California with my mother and stepfather.Things had been going steadily downhill and somehow we ended up living in a trailer with no running water or electricity. I didn't mind much, we had a wood stove and a spring. I chopped wood and hauled water every morning before I rode my horse down to mountain to take the bus to school (one of our neighbors let me turn her out in their paddock).I was a pretty self sufficient child. My stepfather worked as a logger and was gone for a week or two at a time.My mom worked odd jobs, she really couldn't hold anything down consistently so there was really no rhyme or reason to her coming and going.I spent a lot of time in the woods with my dogs because no one really lived close enough for me to hang out with.Generally speaking my sense of direction is very good but one day I got a little further away than normal and had fallen asleep.By the time I woke up it was late enough in the day that I couldn't tell the direction of the light.Knowing that it would get cold quickly I found a hollow tree (hooray for redwoods) and hunkered down with my dogs to wait out the night.The next morning I thought I had found the original stream I had been following and set off confidently up stream.I was wrong and accidentally stumbled onto an illegal pot growing operation. A snare trap got one of my dogs and while I was getting him out I heard barking getting closer.As soon as we were clear my dogs and I hauled ass back the way we came, running in the stream bed as much as possible to try and lose the other dogs which I am sure were guard dogs.Eventually we made it back to the hollow tree and I decided to stay put.The next day I waited thinking surely someone would come looking for me.I stocked up on wild strawberries and mushrooms (some of our neighbors were mycologists and I spent a lot of time mushroom hunting with them).I stayed there all day and most of the next before I decided to try again.I set out cautiously in the opposite direction that I had taken before and found a spot where the streams came together. I followed the other stream and after a few hours my dogs began to perk up and walk ahead of me.I finally started to recognize some of the trees and rocks. I was never so happy in my life to see our trailer.I ran up expecting a lecture or a hug, something, no one was there.No one had been there the whole time I was gone.My oatmeal bowl was dried and crusted on the counter. The stove was cold and dead. My horse had jumped the paddock gate in search of food and was gone.I was still alone.So I cleaned up, fed the dogs, started a fire and fed myself.I started packing up the few things I owned and walked down the mountain to use the neighbor's phone to call my dad.Thankfully they had my horse so I didn't have to walk back and they offered to take care of my horse and my dogs after my dad came to get me.My dad picked me up as soon as he was able (something like 12 hours after I called) and I was just happy to be alive and uninjured.A few months later my mom came out of the wood work with a sob story saying she had taken a job out of town because she thought my stepfather would have been back to take care of me and that the whole thing was a misunderstanding.She flatly refused to hear anything about my harrowing three day involuntary primitive camping trip, somehow convincing herself that such a thing couldn't have happened.She convinced me to give living with her another chance, this time in Arizona directly across the river from Laughlin, Nevada.Good old Bull Head City. The monsoon rain was amazing and the desert was vast and weird. Everyone hung out at the river all the time and I had lots of friends.My stepfather had a local job and was home more often which was nice but with my mom it was same old bs different day.She bounced around causing trouble and drinking. She would still disappear randomly but this time it was because she was with ‘friends'.I didn't mind so much, I had my own bedroom and bathroom. Our house was an old airstream trailer that someone had added on to and I basically got the trailer half to myself.During the summer my mom would kick me out of the house to go ‘play' but it was stupid hot out side so I secretly dug a tunnel under the house and made that my hang out.I ran an extension chord out my window and set it up with a fan and Christmas lights.I would sit in the hole for hours a reading or drawing, at first because mom wanted me out of the house and then later because mom was fighting with my stepfather 24/7.It eventually went from bad to worse, she came after him with a kitchen knife and legitimately did her best to kill him.I climbed out the window with the phone and called 911, at this point I was pretty sure my stepfather was dead.Mom was arrested, my stepfather was taken by ambulance to the hospital and was apparently out for a few days (to his credit the first thing he did when was coherent was call my dad to check on me).I stayed out of the way and waited for someone to tell me what to do.Eventually everyone left.I don't know if they thought I was a neighbor kid or if the 911 dispatcher somehow missed the fact that a child made the call but I was surprised that no one questioned me or even asked if I had someone to stay with.So I waited.It was too creepy to stay in the house by myself so I took food out to my hole and lived there for a few days.I eventually gave up on child services or anyone official coming to get me and called my dad to pick me up.Once he found out what had happened he was furious, I don't think I have ever seen my dad quite that angry or scared.My mom dropped off the face of the planet for about two years, my understanding is that she ended up in a psychiatric ward instead of traditional prison and was granted a reduced sentence (again, no one seemed to realize there was a child involved in all of this).She called up wanting me to live with her again but I told her no.My dad supported my decision and called her bluff.She backed down, thankfully, but was completely unrepentant and angry at me for not being loyal to her.Despite all this and a thousand less intense hurts and traumas, I still held onto a shred of hope that one day my mom would get it together and be a decent person.I fully let go of that childish hope when I had my own children and she threatened to kidnap them and burn my house down because I was, in her words, an ungrateful daughter.I cut her, and anyone that maintained regular contact with her from my life completely, including my aunt, uncle and grandmother.I haven't talked to any of them in over a decade and I have to say it was one of the best decisions I have ever made.I wish I could go back in time and tell my child self to just walk away and stay away.Some people are just mad, bad and dangerous to know and just because someone gave birth to you doesn't mean you owe them your life.

I write this with respect and insight to this topic. So please bear with my words here.BPD has a diminished bonding affect about it - it is part of the splitting thing and weak Identity (“I’m not sure who you are because I’m not sure who I am, therefore, Im not sure who “we” are in terms of spatial relationship”). I cannot speak to the fitness of your mate here as to them being a better fit as a primary custodian of the children. But if your mate is a decent person, all in all, and unafflicted with malignant personality attributes, you might consider offering-up custody if you would, deep down, consider yourself as not the better of the two options. It does not mean that you are unfit, it just means that, developmentally for the children, your mate might be a better option to be the primary nurturer and mentor for the children.Studies show that fathers are actually more valuable in terms of teen and adolescent development. Or at least a biological father being present in the children’s home tends to create healthier children and future adults. Female children have lower pregnancy rates, better academics, less promiscuous, self-valued, etc.. Male children are more disciplined, better academics, less criminality and anti-social traits. Courts tend to award children to mothers, when the data is actually in the opposite direction…but this is because too many biological dads are unwilling to be fathers.Five things to consider: 1) did you have a good father in your life? 2) If not, do you feel abandoned by him to perhaps a less fit mother or to grandparents? 3) The best way to develop BPD is to have a parent with BPD. 4) Do you love your children enough to place them where they have the best chance to develop into healthy adults. 5) Does weak self-esteem and fear of losing the children drive your decisions more than what may be best for them.I have witnessed, directly, a BPD mother handing the children to the better-equipped parent, and it was a loving gesture. This BPD person embarked on an 8 year journey towards wellness (some progress, but could all fold and be lost under the right conditions). This BPD mother was a better parent through having less to manage. She lives alone with weekend custody. It can work and is not a failure, but rather a recognition of limitations in us all.In another scenario, a BPD mother was more like the parable of King Solomon where two mothers that both said that one child was their child (lost child was found and two mothers claimed the child). King Solomon said “We will cut the child into two halves”, the one mother (not caring about the child’s well-being, but rather about “winning” or “being right”) said to cut the child in half would be fine. The other mother begged King Solomon to just let the other woman have the child and relinquished her claim to the child. King Solomon declared the real and true ACTUAL mother to be the second woman whom did not want the child to be mortally wounded and cut into two halves and would rather the other woman to take her child.I never realized that this parable was mostly about the question that you posted here, until this very moment now. We all have limitations and seasons in life. Maybe share custody and do the work that it takes to get where you ultimately want to be. If you ignore the work ahead, please just give up custody altogether. BPD mothers that will not adhere to treatment should not be primary custodians. Aunts, uncles, grandparents are a better option if a healthy surrogate can, indeed, be found.But years later, the children in my first scenario are doing well enough by most standards. I do see biological factors in one of the children that lend me to believe there is a genetic tie to BPD. And with a genetic tie (nature), it would be a sin to drive the stake into the child by ‘nurturing‡ that predisposed child with a BPD parent if there are other better options. The best way to develop BPD is to have a primary, biological relative that has BPD to raise you.

These days, a father has just a right to have physical custody as a mother. It is not the norm, but men who fight for custody usually do so for a few reasons in my opinion.1.) They don’t want to pay child support, they have other motives than the best interest of the child.2.) They are genuine, deeply love their children and truly feel the child’s best interest would be with them.For a father to be labeled as “unfit” one would have to prove that the child’s health, safety and welfare would be at risk. ie: Drugs, drinking, a job that keeps them away from home, or no job at all, etc.If both parents are able to pra stable home, I still believe a judge would rule for the mother to get custody with very liberal visitation for the father, the non-custodial parent. (However, this can all depend on the age of the child, the child’s preference if older, etc.) After all, the best interest of the child is to have a healthy bond with both parents.It breaks my heart to see custody battles out of anger and revenge. It is only hurting the child in the end. ALWAYS, ALWAYS, never lose sight of the fact it is what is BEST for the child.If your in this situation, good luck to you.

BABY mamas need time in jail they are the worst kind of parents children are not property we are just responsible for them. IF A MOTHER LOST CUSTODY ITS FOR A GOOD REASONIF THE MOTHER IS TO BUSY TRYING TO TEAR DOWN THE FATHER IT WILL BACK FIRE SO AS SHE TREATED THE KIDS LIKE PROPERTYSHE SHOULD GET A JOB. Pay her support as required by law and enjoy visitations and stop using children as pawns.

If you have EVIDENCE of the allegations, and can prove that the mother’s behaviors are creating an environment that’s not safe or healthy for the child(ren), then there would be no reason for a Court not to award the father primary physical custody. He may have to share LEGAL custody, though, depending on the state.But, a father bringing such allegations had better have proof. Not just “I saw her in a bar drinking one night and I know she was drunk”. You’d need proof - definitive proof - that she is an alcoholic/drug addict AND it is making her incapable of caring for the child(ren).There are many perfectly functional alcoholics in the world. They go to work, go to school, do their laundry, etc. If you didn’t know they NEEDED to drink every night/weekend/whatever, you’d never know they are alcoholics. That’s not going to be enough to deny custody to her. If you can PROVE the child misses school because Mom’s too drunk to get him/her up and to the school bus in the morning, if you can PROVE that the child doesn’t have clean clothes because Mom’s too drunk to do laundry, if you can PROVE the child isn’t being fed or properly supervised due to Mom’s drinking, then your attorney shouldn’t have any problem convincing a judge to award you primary physical custody.

There is no such thing as custody of an unborn child. This is for two reasons. First, children in utero have no independent legal existence prior to birth. Second, custody would be moot even if they did. It’s not exactly practicable to establish a partial custody schedule for a foetus. Transportation would be an issue, let’s just say.So a custody case brought prior to birth would generally be dismissed for want of jurisdiction. (In California, apparently, there may be some sort of local exception to this, as a commenter observes.)After the baby is born, courts may exercise jurisdiction to determine custody arrangements as is provided by local law (in the U.S. both parents have equal legal rights, but paternity may need to be established and as a matter of biology, the baby would have to start out with the mother), but procedural provisions vary significantly. You would need to consult an attorney in the location where you are to determine what papers need to be presented.If there is a significant risk that the baby will be, if left in the mother’s care, immediately at risk, the child-protective-service agency should be involved. If it is just a garden-variety dispute over parenting time, though, this can wait for regular proceedings after birth.You might be able to work out an informal agreement (bearing in mind that any subsequent custody determination will be de novo) or try to arrange mediation by talking directly to the other party.

A little background history:I am an American and living in Germany for more than 30 years. My wife is a German citizen, but originally from the Ukraine. She has lived here in Germany for almost 18 years.5 years ago my wife decided that she did not want to be married to me anymore. She decided that she want to enjoy the single life that she had missed life as she got married and become a mother relatively young (23).I will not go into details, but basically she started acting like she was 18 to 20 years old (she was 35 to 36 during this time frame) and not behaving as a mother should in many different ways. I could not care less about how she treated me, but not take proper care of our children? Now that really made me upset.She thought (mostly because her friends told her so) that she would get full custody of the kids, the house and everything in it, I would be put in the street, she could sit at home and receive 70 to 80% of my paycheck and I would watch the kids whenever she felt like going out (which was basically when I was not working).It took a while for various reasons (legal and otherwise), but after about one year of her bullshit and behavior she was given a very loud and resounding reality check.German divorce and child custody laws are the most gender neutral that I know of (could be wrong, but my experience with divorce and child custody laws are solely in Germany). Also after age 10 the kids get to choose which parent to live with (that is one of the reasons it took so long as I had to wait until my daughter turned 10 to sue for custody).I went to 4 lawyers before I found the one that asked me what I wanted, not what my wife’s rights were.So I sued her for divorce and full custody of the kids and requested what the Germans call a wohnen zuweisen or right of residence which determines who stays in the current residence and who moves out.I presented her with the paperwork on a Thursday and took the kids to a friend’s house for a 3 day weekend. German law requires only 72 hour prior notification for this situation due to pre-investigation already performed by the jugendamt (German version of CPS) and the court investigators.Told her that on Monday (in 4 days), my lawyer, a court representative, a court appointed child rights lawyer who also has a minor degree in child psychology and a member of jugendamt would be by the house at 10 am in the morning to interview all members of the family individually. She freaked out and lost it. Screamed at the top of her lungs (I had the kids at a one of their friend’s house so they would not hear this), freaked out and said Fuck you, I will have a great life and you are out of your mind. I am getting everything. She was in total denial and was pissed offI told her she might want to read the documents I had given her and then I handed her cards with all the numbers of the people coming on Monday plus the German legal aid office. Told her she need to make some calls and find out where she stood legally.When the kids and I returned on Sunday she was very, very subdued. Interviews occurred on Monday. After the interviews my wife was visibly very upset and asked to speak to me privately.I asked the kids to go outside for a while and I would call them when we were done speaking.She them totally lost it, crying, weeping, telling me she does not want to lose her children, begging me to forgive her and take her back. She was in total shock and now realized the actual reality of our (especially her) situation.I told her I need time to think about it. About a week later I had her sign a legal agreement that the legal separation, divorce and custody battle were on hold for 2 years. I told her (and gave her in writing) a list of things that were deal breakers.If any of them were violated, then all bets were off and she would be out of the house in 30 days or less. She agreed to them and ended her previously behavior completely. She then understood that I did all this because in my opinion, children should be the first and highest priority in their parents lives. Also anyone that I believed to be a bad influence, example or a detriment to the well being of my children is going to be removed from their lives regardless of who it is.Why did she ask me to forgive her and take her back? She was informed during her interview (she went last) and by the German legal aid office of the following:She was going to be removed from the house in no more than 30 to 60 days (possibly sooner).I would have full custody, parental rights and authority of the children.She was legally forbidden to enter the house or see the children without my permission other than her CPS supervised visits in our (actually, soon to be my)house every other weekend.None of her friends and/or associates on the list I had provided to my lawyer were allowed near or to have any contact with our children.Violations of this were punishable by up to 6 months in jail and up to a 15,000 ($18,000) Euro fine.She would get no alimony as it no longer exits in Germany due to court decisions and new written laws in 2021. 2021 and 2021. Only exceptions are in the case of a handicapped child or parent or if there is a exceptionally large family of 4 or more kids.She would be forced to get a job and if necessary attend an Ausbildung (apprenticeship).Once she had a job, she would be required to pay me child support depending on how much she earned.Everything I had earned, acquired or saved before we were married (which was substantial) was not joint property and she would not be getting any of it. Cars, 2 houses (not in Germany), furniture, retirement accounts, my inheritance from my mother (who was still alive at this time), the kids saving accounts she would no longer have access to. She was also shocked that many of the things we had acquired while married were now in a trust for the kids and not joint property. This included the house we were living in, certain bank accounts, my life insurance polies would be paid to the same (maybe she should have carefully read the legal separation agreement that she signed that she asked me to get).

I don't have hard facts to back me up, but my instinct tells me that the premise of this is wrong. Singapore, I'm sure, favors the mother [1], and a brief internet search seems to suggest that both India [2] and Taiwan both do so too. I also browsed through Chinese custody law, and it seems pretty regular too. I have a feeling today's Chinese would prefer if women get custody, but this is also a guess.  [1] http://www.aware.org.sg/2010/11/... [2] http://www.divorcelawyerindia.co...

Can a father get sole custody of his child?I got sole custody and I’ve seen some fathers get sole custody from mentally ill or abusive women.There are three ways I can think of to get it:Bargain with your ex-wife (or ex-partner). This is the cheapest way, but it works only with a really flighty ex who realizes the child cramps her party lifestyle.If you ex- is mentally ill, alcoholic, addicted, and/or negligent but claims to want custody, you can de facto get custody without a fight. Just be patient for a year or two and her irresponsibility will finally force her to hand over the child.Go to court and prove your ex-wife or partner is an ongoing danger to the child. This is tough because you’ll have to have a lot of proof.I did it (Option 3), but I had proof from three Ph.D. level psychologists. It was still a court battle and was very expensive.If you don’t have clear grounds, and your ex- won’t negotiate, I would give up (for now) and just accept the court’s usual custody arrangement. Later your child can decide whom to live with.