What tip can you give a marriage that is falling apart due to finances?
I married my wife on July 13, 1974. We barely had the pot to piss in or the window to throw it out of. I came from a wealthy family and my wife from a poor family. My adopted parents hated my wife and did their damnedest to destroy my marriage. (Never worked.)Finances are probably the greatest cause of marriages falling apart than anything else, and I think it is probably higher than infidelity.Young couples do not stop to think their married life will have speed bumps and potholes. They want to believe their marriage should be based upon how much money they make. I feel sorry for them if they think that way.My wife and I were never wealthy. We lived paycheck to paycheck. We raised our children on what we had. My children seem to think they can draw from mommy and daddy and they got pissed off when we said NO.Our daughter got pregnant at 17 and had a little boy. He was our first grandchild. Soon we noticed he was not verbal. He was 2 when he was diagnosed as having ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). Our daughter gave her mother and me Powers of Attorney over him because she did not want to deal with him. When he was 7 we discovered he was deaf. She immediately decided to put him up for adoption. We said NO. If she didn’t want him, then we would take him, and she gave us full-guardianship of him and gave up all rights to him. He is now 17, a junior in high school, and attends a great school for the deaf in Riverside, CA. After never being exposed to ASL, he is now about 85% fluent in it after 2 1/2 years. I am adopting him when he turns 18, in 2020.Now, to some that would have ended a marriage. Yet, it made my marriage to my wife stronger. We were doing what was right together. I’m not going to say our life was perfect, far from it. Yet, we knew the most important thing in our marriage, WAS our marriage. Nothing else mattered.If you have read many of my posts, I had to bury being gay for most of my life. My adopted mother viciously outed me to my wife, to destroy my marriage. My wife and I did have an argument over it. Yet, when she saw the scars on my body and understood I had never acted on it during our marriage, and I was not about to start, we worked through it. Now, in previous posts, some have asked about us having sex. My wife, after our children were born had PID (Pelvic Inflammatory Disease), it made it very painful for us to have sex. But marriage shouldn’t be based upon sex. Sex is only the icing on the cake.I was always faithful to my wife, no matter what. In 2021. my wife developed severe wounds on her feet. Mind you, she was a diabetic. For the next 4 years, I would learn from a wound care facility on how to bind her wounds between clinic visits. I stayed with her through everything. Even when her wounds spread up her legs and we battled MRSA and flesh-eating disease. She was in horrible pain. I held her when she cried. I learned how to clean her up when she soiled herself.On Feb. 3, 2021. I awoke to hear her breathing change. I cradled her in my arms, caressed her face, told her how beautiful she was and how much I loved her. I got to kiss her one last time while she was alive. She died at 9:54 a.m. I had been married to this beautiful lady for 40 years, 9 months and 19 days.In all that time, I never broke one vow. I was with her through everything, and I would do it again. After she died, I did openly come out gay. Even so, I have no one in my life right now. I’m still hurting from her death.Do you want to know how to keep a marriage together? Realize that money is not everything. You work together. If you hit a financial pothole, you do what you can, with what you have, and you start filling in the hole.There is the story of the old farmer whose mule fell down a well. He figured the mule was going to die so he started filling in the well with dirt. With every bucket of earth, the mule would tamp it down with his feet. Soon the dirt was high enough he could jump out.Albus Dumbledore in Harry Potter said: “When life seems the most dark, one only must remember to turn on the light.”That is my philosophy for how to keep a marriage together.
Can I give guardianship to the child's father, if he's 21 and I'm 16, instead of my parent's?
Yes you probably can,but it will ultimately be up to a family law judge whether you are making the decision with your childs best interests in mind.unless your parents are abusive and you want your child to be well provided for, then personally I think you shouldn't.Neither you nor your 21 yr old boyfriend likely have a job that can support a child as your parents can, or have the experience to make long term decisions that a child may not always understand are for their own good when they are still a child.Your child has the right as a person to a secure upbringing, let your parents
How can I get more parents to fill out my survey?
It sounds like you are working off of a list survey or google form survey. If this is the case, a simple thing to get parents is to ask your own. Funny enough parents normally know parents and having your parents share your survey with their friends or thru social media will help you build a network of parents.Another good way to get more parents is by joining parenting groups and asking for parents feedback. Make sure to include what the survey is about and what their opinions may impact. Most of the time when you state how giving an opinion in a survey may impact people are more willing to participate.If you are using a panel survey, it’s a simple click of a button to sort your demographics. Or you can always ask a pre qualification question.
How do you apply for guardianship?
Don't panic. This sounds to me like a simple miscommunication.What your parents are describing is leaving you as guardian of your siblings in their Will. Your guardianship kicks in only if both of your parents are deceased— and probably only of your siblings that are still minors at the time of your parents ‘ death.So clearly something fairly traumatic and catastrophic would have to happen for both of your parents to die before your youngest sibling is 18.I make these kind of wills fairly often, and it's not uncommon. And you never ever make just one Guardian.So I'm going to speculate that your parents’ Will says something like: “in the event that Guardian A is unwilling or unable to fulfill his role as guardian of the minor children, then we appoint Guardian B.. “ - - then Guardian C, and so forth.Notice the “unwilling” part. You can bow out of the responsibility and hand the reigns over to the Guardian who is next in line.I'm also going to speculate that your parents don't actually expect you to raise your five siblings at your young age. Guardians and Trustees appointed in a Will/ Trust make things a lot easier than having the estate go through intestate probate.You may merely have been appointed as a sort of place card holder. As in : we know he won't raise the kids himself, but he'll be in a good position to decide who should - - and it’s better than having our money drained through court procedures.Hope that makes you feel better!
You have one day to live and $1 million to give out. You can give it to your parents, spouse, and your kids. How do you distribute the money?
Well, I don't have any children so this is a simple answer.I would give half to my parents. They could use it. We didn't have a lot of money growing up but in the last 10 years, my parents had been doing much better. They'd saved up a nest egg for retirement and everything. But sadly, my dad was diagnosed with cancer. In the battle to save his life a few years ago, their finances were basically wiped out.My mom is the sweetest. She doesn't care if they have money or not, just that her husband is well. I still remember hearing her say that as the three of us sat in the car together one last time on a cold morning before we walked into the treatment center somewhere in the end. Moments later we were to learn the beautiful news that treatment was going well. He's now cancer-free.I still want to cry when I think about this. They deserve every beautiful thing that ever comes their way. With this money, they could plan for the place they'd live in their golden years, either to buy the home they're renting now or downsize to something more comfortable for them both. They could go on a nice, well-deserved vacation somewhere. They spent their honeymoon on a cruise and in Mexico. They both still talk about it with the warmest memories. I hope they'd take many more vacations like that and make more beautiful, happy memories.I would give the other half to my husband. He's one of the kindest people I've ever known and I'm certain he'd do great things with the money.I hope he'd use some of it to start a photography business. He's a brilliant photographer, especially of landscapes, but it's just a hobby right now. I see how happy it makes him and it would be beautiful if he would do something to show the world his remarkable talents.I know other family can't be included but I’d also hope that some of it could go to my two brothers. Perhaps my husband could give $20,000 to one and my parents could give the same to the other. That way my oldest brother could achieve his dream of going back to school and switching careers as he's working towards right now, and my youngest could use it to travel the world as he's dreamed of it but never gotten the chance to do.All in all, I would hope that my loved ones would only use the money to do things that made them happy and furthered their lives. It would honor my memory the best to know none of it was wasted or used on something that didn't bring them some lasting stability or pure joy.
I’m gay and have “come out” to a few close family members, but it did not go well. Should I come out to the rest of my close confidants, etc.?
Well as a half successful coming out person could I just give you some advice. In China I have no idea whether you know that coming out is really really hard and actually 90% of Chinese gays will marry a girl they don't like at all. But in China a man must marry a girl and set up a family because that is the most important thing of a man in China, or say, traditional Chinese thoughts. And the second thing is that many of us(I mean at the same age with us) are the only person in a Chinese family so we need to have our next generation. Well don't feel surprised because this is true. That are the background Then unfortunately(I mean for many Chinese family) I am the only child in my family. My mother was wondering how my life would be nice when I entered university and found a girlfriend and married and had a great family. I came out to my father first. I was brought up(I don't know if I should use past tense) by my father, when I entered high school I communicated with my father a lot so he might find some differences on me, I am his child after all. And in the day I became an adult I wrote a letter to him that his son is a gay. He didn't say anything because I was going to take the most important examination of a Chinese people's life----gaokaoAfter that we didn't say anything about it until one day I want to talk to him about it. I told him, yes I am a gay and I know it's hard to accept but the sexual orientation could not be changed. I can have a good life even if I am a gay, I said, "I couldn't be happy when I am with the person I don't like. What you want is that I can have a happy life, right? Then I would be happy when I am with a man who I love, you can't say I wouldn't have a good life when I am a gay."And he said, "well I have thought it thoroughly and I don't oppose it as long as you can live your own life well. "It's amazing! You will know that your parents love you no matter who you are. As for my mother, she is still in accepting time but I think she will make it. That's why I said half successful in the first. And at last I want to say what I have gone through didn't represent many people, it is just my experience and you wanna come out, you should prepare well, but people who loves you will continue to love you no matter what you have chenged. Good luck\U0001f618